chapter seven

I never would cry I would hold my emotions in because I never wonted to give her the satisfaction of my defeat. I no longer awaken filling refreshed I would now wake up feeling tired and worthless I would say it was my last day to live. One morning while I was doing the dishes mother had scraped the left over pancakes in to the dog bowl her well fed pets picked at the food then when i knew that the coast was clear i picked at what was left in the dogs dish and ate it I can smell the traces of the dog. we all then wen t to the store and mother told me to clamp my hand on the cart and put one in back of me so I did I was trying to show out but then I thought to myself that when I get out of the store mother is going to punish me. She did she made me get on the back seat floor where my brother were stumping all over me because of the way I was acting in the store to my brother and mother. then mother pulled up to MC donalds and they all went in except me as usual when we got home mother then Immediately mixed the clorox and ammonia she must have known that I was using the rag for a mask so she threw it in to the bucked. the heater didnt come on no fresh air came out the room filled up quickly I must have been in there for over that an hour because the fumes fill the small room all the way to the bottom my eyes then started to water and cry. then when mother came and opened up the door i dashed out to the hall way and she grabbed me by my throat and trying to force my head in to the bucked I tryed to fight back and I did then after that I turned in to my wimpy self again. mother then one day left the baby with father for dad to watch why she went some where I then played with my brother and I loved him so much then on thanks giving day mother cleaned up the house and put on her make up and put on her close that she used to ware back in the day when we were smaller. when father came home he waswith one of his friends and he smalled like a bar mother was supprised and not mad she was very pashent father then went up staires and packed his green bad and said he was leaving he couldnt take it any more so he did come down stairs and eat but mother and father did not talk to each other the hole timethen he came to me and said he was very sorry and then he left the house mother was very mad and upset so all she could do was beet me and say it was my falt that father had left us.